When the love seems gone …

Being in love is a miracle, especially if it is mutual. It gives you a brilliant view of the world and energy for a thousand. Without hassle you take hordes, which previously seemed insurmountable or change your ingrained behaviors because your beloved asks you to do so. And this energy is not limited to actions towards your  lover: you are newly inspirated in life.

But what if the excitement is over and you find yourself back on earth? How will you deal with the bumps that come trying t o find each other again?With the differences of opinion, which appear larger than before, with shadow sides that gradually become visible? What if problems with sexuality not go as you had hoped, or suddenly arise? What if your partner wants more or less intimacy than you want? If he or she is “dating” via Internet? Or if you find yourself after a long relationship suddenly back in love with someone else? If the kids walk out the door and you discover that you have not actually much more to tell to each other? Or if problems take unsustainable forms? If heaven has become hell?

Is that really the time to say goodbye, as some songs tell us to do? Or are there other ways?

Couples therapy can help to investigate the cause of your relationshipproblems and sort out how you – with or without your partner- want to continue. Stopping fights – especially when children are nearby – and learn better communicate with each other are thereby often important points.

Couples therapy with 1 or 2 therapists

In couples therapy always two clients are involved. That’s why  I like to give this therapy together with my colleague Marike de Valk , Gestalttherapist. In this way the risk that one of the clients experiences bias, is considerably reduced. Together, we are seeing more than alone and we can divide our attention better. Moreover, the presence of both a male and female relationship therapist helps to identify male and female positions and patterns. We can also act as a mirror and make visible what communication patterns play a role. In short , working with two therapists provides an added value for us.

We both have many years of experience (see our CVs) . We are fully registered member of the NVAGT , the professional organization that promotes Gestalttherapy. That means that we meet the comprehensive quality requirements relating to education, experience , training and practice. Almost all Dutch insurances covers ( in part , depending on your package , and always up to a maximum ) Gestalt therapists , who are members of the NVAGT . We are also registered with the  RBNG .

Duration of therapy

It often happens that one of the partners does not know whether he / she still wants to continue the relationship. That is not a barrier to come into therapy. The only requirement for therapy is that you both want to take to find out what exactly is going on, how it could have come so far and whether you can continue.
Such a process takes time. And at that time, tensions can run high and can give you the feeling that you want  the relation to stop immediately. We ask you not to do so during the first 5 sessions after the intake. Often in the 3rd or 4th consult it becomes clear to you  whether you have sufficient basis to proceed together . If that is the case , we often plan after the 5 consultations  a returnsession after a few months.
If it becomes clear that the relationship no longer provides perspective , we spend the last consultations to processing and completion . We give attention to the explanantion that you’re going to tell your children, family and friends about the fact that you ‘re breaking up.  If necessary, the therapy can be continued with either of you individually.


We provide couples therapy and individual therapy both in Purmerend, near Amsterdam and in Beuningen in Nijmegen. We work at both locations both day and evening.

Blog and twitter

You can read about our experiences and insights on our blogs. The weblog of Marike stands on its site Relatietherapie Nijmegen. The weblog of Wilfried is  on this website.but not yet available in English.  You can also follow Marike on twitter: called @Relationtherapy.


For questions or registration, you can telephone or email or contact us via the contactform on this site.